Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy, lasting relationship. However, it is one of the most difficult aspects to master, especially in the heat of a disagreement or argument. During these times it is useful to have some tools in place (for both of you!) to help bring your communication game back up to par. That is where Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) comes into play!
NLP is a set of techniques and principles that aims to improve the connection between one’s thoughts and actions in order to achieve a desired outcome. This understanding can be used to improve relationships (both personal and professional) and communication.
With all of that “nerd stuff” in mind, let’s look at how Neuro-Linguistic Programming can help us improve how we communicate with our partners!
1. Active Listening
Active listening is a powerful tool that not only helps you understand what your partner is saying but makes them feel heard. This involves being fully present and undistracted in the conversation and asking curious, open-ended questions.
By being present and asking curious questions you are showing your partner that you are dedicated to understanding their thoughts and emotions.
For example, try putting down distractions when talking about your days. No phones, tv, or anything else that can pull your attention away. While your partner is speaking, instead of the typical “mhmms” or “wow cool” or “oh ok”, try asking things like “how did that turn out?” or “what was your favorite part of the day?” These simple questions, and others like them, will show that you are engaged and you will even learn more about your partner!
2. Mirroring
Mirroring is another useful technique that could bring you and your partner closer together. This practice shows that you are engaged and on the same wavelength as them. By being on the same page, you and your partner will be able to facilitate more effective communication.
When mirroring, you are mimicking another person’s tone, body language, and speech patterns to build rapport and connect on another level. This can be done by first noticing how your partner is communicating with you. Then, you can start to consciously copy what they are doing, little by little. This could be in the form of “matching their energy.” For example, if they are excited, you should be excited. This shows that you and they are “in it together” and can share the emotional aspects of what they are saying!
As a note of caution, mirroring should be done subtly. Over-the-top mirroring can be seen as mocking or insincere if done incorrectly.
3. Be cautious of the words you use in your mind, and out loud
The words you use have a significant impact on how you view yourself and the world around you. Negative thoughts, criticisms, judgments, or assumptions can hinder our perceptions and create animosity toward one another. Negative language can create a toxic environment for you and your partner. This same kind of negativity can do the same for how we view ourselves, but that’s for another post!
One way this can come into play is to be very conscious of the words you use. Don’t allow vulgar language or negative words to come into play- especially during serious conversations. By avoiding negative language, we are able to create a positive environment that fosters understanding.
4. Come from a lens of curiosity
A closed mindset is one of the biggest determinants we can have in our relationships. When we are closed, we deny possibility. On the other hand, if we approach our conversations from a place of curiosity, we can be intentional about growing with our partner. We can find ways to connect,
A way to practice curiosity is to remember that it is the two of you against the problem. Instead of being frustrated by an action or reaction, consider asking more questions. This will allow the two of you to actually get to the root of the issue, without making assumptions.
You have to actually care
At the end of the day, you can’t fake being interested. NLP techniques are tools that can improve your relationship but are not a “magic pill” or cure-all. In order for these to work, above all, you and your partner must actually care about each other. This means being open to working through issues together and showing empathy and understanding toward one another.
By combining NLP practices with a general desire to improve your communication, you will be able to create a relationship based on trust, love, and respect for one another.
Effective communication is pivotal to a healthy, long-lasting, respect-based relationship. These techniques mentioned in this article are all just tools to get there! Being present, curious, and positive are all there to help us create a deeper bond with our partners. Remember that it’ll take time to improve our skills, but the benefits will be well worth it!